My Favorite Books List

Today on Twitter, I connected with a new fan, @UltraLibIan, who listens to my podcast Waking from the American Dream and wanted to know about the books I read. So, here's a list of books that represent my most eclectic mind...my polymind.

Depth psychology:
Memories, Dreams, Reflctions Carl Jung
Boundaries of the Soul: the Practice of Jung’s Psychology June Singer
Ego and Archetyp e Edward F. Edinger
The Soul’s Code James Hillman
Revisioning Psychology James Hillman
We've Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World's Getting Worse James Hllman and Michael Ventura
A Jospeh Campbell Companion Diane K. Osbon
Joseph Campbell/The Power of Myth with Bill Moyers
Truly any book by Joseph Campbell, James Hollis or Robert A. Johnson


Buddhism:
The Book Alan Watts
This is It Alan Watts
The Way of Zen Alan Watts
Wherever you go, There You are Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Miracle of Mindfulness Thich Nhat Hahn
Peace is Every Step Thich Nhat Hahn
Awakening the Buddha Within Lama Surya Das
A Path with Heart Jack Kornfield
Thoughts without a Thinker Mark Epstein
Any book by Pema Chodron

Integral Philosophy:
A Brief History of Everything Ken Wilber
The Integral Vision Ken Wilber
Sex, Ecology, Spirituality Ken Wilber
Integral Psychology Ken Wilber
Spiral Dynamics Don Beck
The Radiance of Being Allan Combs

New Age Thinking:
Quantum Psychology Robert Anton Wilson
The Tao of Physics Fritof Capra
Dancing Wu Li Masters Gary Zukav
The Seat of the Soul Gary Zukav
Das Energi Paul Williams
Illusions Richard Bach

Life Coaching Kind of Stuff:
The Art of Possibility Zander and Zander
Finding Flow Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Fearless Living Rhonda Britten
Loving What Is Byron Katie
The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz

Leadership:
Leadership and the New Science Margaret Wheatley
Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership Joseph Jaworski
Leadership and Self-deception The Arbinger Institute
Servant Leadership Robert Greenleaf
Presence Jaworski, Senge, Wheatley and Scharmer
The Fifth Discipline Peter M. Senge
Leadership from the Inside Out Kevin Cashman

Writing/Creativity:
Bird by Bird Anne Lammott
Writing Down the Bones Natalie Goldberg
The Arist Way Julia Cameron
The Right to Write Julia Cameron
Unreliable Truth Maureen Murdock
The War of Art Steven Pressfield
Writing from the Inside Out Dennis Palumbo
Writing for Your Life Deena Metzger
Fearless Creating Eric Maisel
The Heart Aroused David Whyte
Crossing the Unknown Sea David Whyte
If You Want to Write Brenda Ueland
The Writing Life Annie Dillard

History/ Politics/ Social analysis:
The People’s History of the United States Howard Zinn
The Passion of the Western Mind Richard Tarnas
The American Soul Jacob Needleman
The Fourth Turning Strauss and Howe
Conservatives without Conscience John W. Dean
The Lucifer Principle Howard Bloom
The Genius of the Beast Howard Bloom
The Empathic Civilization Jeremy Rifkin

Women’s Issues:
Heroine’s Journey Maureen Murdock
The Hero’s Daughter Maureen Murdock
Women Who Run with the Wolves Clarissa Pinkla Estes
The Goddess Within Woolger and Woolger
Circle of Stones Judith Duerk
Writng a Woman’s Life Carolyn G. Heilbrun
Reinventing Womanhood Carolyn G. Heilbrun
A Voice of One’s Own Perlman/Henderson
A Room of Her Own Virginia Woolf

Year Three

Today is the third anniversary of my dad's death. In some ways, it feels like I have just begun the grieving process. I've been so busy learning how to be without him - how to represent him in the world now that he is gone, how to represent myself in the world now that he is gone - that I think I forgot to just feel the pain of it all.

I mean, I did feel pain, months and months of it. For awhile it felt like I had no skin. I was a raw, open, vulnerable vessel, and it was impossible. And so for awhile, I self-medicated my way to buffer the suffering. And I'm glad I did. It was too much. But, as we all know, when you delay the pain, that is all you are doing, delaying it. And so now I get to feel it, and that is okay, because I feel like now I CAN feel it, and hold it, and rock it like a baby and tell it, "It'll be okay. You will be okay."

I'm no longer afraid of the pain because I now see that it is my pain, and the more I feel it, the more I feel like myself. I am Kelly. I am a daughter. I am a woman. I am a thinker. I am a feeler. I am a writer. I am here to think and feel and write and share. This is who I am. I can't help it anymore than I could keep my father or mother from death. It is what it is.

This afternoon, I'll be going down to Venice to eat a cheeseburger in honor of my dad and his favorite hole in the wall bar. The memories I have with him and of him, I will stitch together into a little pouch and crawl into to find some warmth this week. And then I will let them echo through me as I step back into the river of life that rushes by and wants to take me along with it. But for a moment, it will be 1972, I will be seven, and my dad and I will be happily eating a cheeseburger enjoying our endless summer together.

Limelight Fears

Last night I shared the stage with my father at the Actor Gang's WTF? Festival. I screened by dad's favorite of his HBO specials, "Jammin' in NY," and then read from his memoir, "Last Words." Then I read a few of my own stories about my childhood.

For years, I have been reading these and other stories about my life around Los Angeles at different spoken word venues. I did these essays as a side dish to my life. Never taking them or myself very seriously. I didn't want them upsetting the apple cart - my relationship with my father. You see, he was a little uncomfortable with my chosen art form. It made him nervous that I stripped myself naked, metaphorically speaking, and spoke of the confusion, hopes and miracles that make up my life. He wanted to protect me from some kind of unknown harm - critics? The artist's life? The impossible life in the limelight?

Thanks to the community of friends and artists I now find myself immersed in, I am taking my art form and myself more seriously these days. They have been telling me to take the stage more often, and so I am finally listening to them and to my heart that has been telling me for years that I belong on a stage, telling my stories and speaking about how I see the world.

Identity is bullshit ultimately. Who I see myself as is, in the big picture, meaningless. But in other ways it is essential to make an X on the ground and say, "Here I stand. And from here I will do this." And so, I will take my mark. Stand my ground and go out and speak my truth. I mean after all, that is what the old man taught me everyday of HIS life.

More Fun with Busting Fears

This week was a lot mellower than last week. But got some shit done.

I finished all the accounting reconciliation finally. I am seeing my fear around money more and more clearly these days. I did not get healthy training when it came to money. My dad made it but hid from being an adult around spending, saving and investing, and mom just loved to spend it. And I was just given it too freely, for WAY too long. Not healthy. Not helpful. There was no such thing as fiscal responsibility in the Carlin household.

Therefore, I am schizophrenic around it. Part of me acts like my parents - spending without consequence. And part of me is really, really trying to do better - like looking at the bank balance everyday - it's like weighing myself everyday - accountability. At least I stopped putting shit on credit cards.

Ooooo. Oooooo. I got to do a really cool thing on Friday - I recorded a story of mine for an audio book! And GOT PAID FOR IT. My first money that I have made from MY writing (not with my husband as my partner - we used to write TV/Film stuff). It was funny how nervous I was about it all, and yet when I was there, it was so easy. I really loved it. My story is in an anthology book that should be coming out in January. The book is called Dirty Laundry (I think) and can be found here. My essay is about growing up in the shadow of my dad's fame. It's one of my favorites.

What else? Oh, yeah. Wrote a new bio:
Kelly Carlin is part Lucile Ball and part Marianne Williamson – in other words, she is not afraid to take a pie in the face in service of sharing her wisdom.

Whether Kelly is writing, speaking, teaching or coaching, her willingness to rip off her own “mask” always inspires a safe, sacred yet playful space for all to discover their own authentic humanity. This is not surprising considering she grew up at the knee of her father, George Carlin, who for decades masterfully wove great humor and deep truth as an entertainer. Having spent the last twenty years stumbling and bumbling along her own journey from the shadow of her father’s success to her own light of self-definition has given her a powerful insight into what we all ultimately crave - to be seen, heard and accepted for who we are under the mask we wear for the world.

Her professional life has taken her from behind the scenes in the world of TV/film to claiming the stage for her own creation of her one-woman show, Driven To Distraction. After two decades in the entertainment business, Kelly stepped away to get a new perspective, and in 2004 received her masters in Depth Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Kelly’s own brand of irreverent reverence can be seen and heard whether she is teaching individuals and groups how to claim their creative life through her Polymind Process, writing and performing her personal essays, interviewing legendary comedians for Laugh.com's On Comedy CD series or writing her upcoming memoir, called Now Appearing.

I'm outta here.

Have a great week.

Week 4 of Busting through 100 Fears in 100 Days

Holy Shit MOMENTUM!

Here's the BIG thing I realized this week: If you want something really bad (like I want MY book to be published) you are more likely to walk through fears that have stopped you in the past. It's amazing what a little desire will do to dissolve fear.

Great talk with literary agent about direction for my SPIRITUAL memoir. There it is, the big fear - I am admitting to the world that what I do is of a spiritual nature. To me that means examining what brings meaning to my life as a human, what it takes to embrace the whole shebang I am offered while being alive (the good, the bad, the beauty, and the ugly) and how I can walk through it awake and with compassion.

Built a new website: www.thekellycarlinsite.com where I have integrated all of my polyminds for the world to see, and fully owning that I am a hyphenate in an increasingly intergral world: author-speaker-teacher-daughter.

Said yes to teaching a 90 minute online webinar in December. Another HUGE fear busted through - teaching strangers, not just friends and acquaintances. Big hurdle in the past.

And of course, saying yes to all the promotion for my dad's book Last Words, that comes out November 10th. http://books.simonandschuster.com/Last-Words/George-Carlin/9781439172957 I'll be doing live, print, radio and TV promoting.

Which led me to saying yes to Tim Robbins when he asked me Wednesday night, "Will you read some of your stories at the screening?" Here's the link for that event: http://www.wtffestival.theactorsgang.com/calendar.html#nov4

Now go out and have some fucking fun!

Days 21-25 of Busting Through 100 Fears in 100 Days

Where have I been all week? I've been here mostly. Genpo Rosh's Big Mind work is an elegant weaving of Zen Buddhism and deep shadow work. He utilizes a technique called Voice Dialogue to access aspects of the self. It enables you connect with aspects that have been mostly rejected by the self and therefore have become shadow elements. The amazing thing is with this work is that you not only access the dualistic voices, but you easily access the non-dual, transcendent ones too. You get to have an experience of the non-dual as easy as shifting in your chair. It turns out that all the "seeking" that we do to access this limitless, peaceful, and clear state of mind is the very thing that has kept us from it. The more you "try" the less you are IN it. I spent much of the week sitting in this space of clear, limitless mind.

And that is why this week has felt like: So Many Days, So Few Fears.

And then came Friday. A few weeks ago, I asked my manager for some help. I knew I needed an editor or agent to help me with my book outline. And he cam through. So Friday I had a conversation with a literary agent. It was a great conversation. She is smart, savvy and gets what I am up to. She was the editor of my dad's first book Brain Droppings.

Bottom line - during the conversation I claimed something that I know is what I have been avoiding claiming for a long, long time. It is about who I am and what I am really doing through all the work I do - finding a clear and consistent relationship with the sacred.

So, when it came to defining a genre that I thought my memoir would fit into, I knew where it belonged - in the spiritual memoir section. And although that word can be construed in a myriad of ways, most of which I hate, it is where I belong.

AND THIS WAS TERRIFYING. But here it is - I am writing a memoir - a spiritual memoir. I have been avoiding stepping into this label for a long time. I know ultimately it is what ALL of my work is about whether I am writing, performing, teaching or coaching, i am interested in my and the world's relationship with the sacred, the transcendent, the soul, the True Self, the Authentic Voice. Name it what you want, but it is it.

What a week.
Question for the week: What has your soul been asking you to claim for the last 10 years?

Days 18, 19 and 20 of Busting Through 100 Fears in 100 Days

I was still feeling a bit crappy over the weekend, but I laid low and took care of myself. I resisted the need to do things that would have pushed my body, and I let myself heal. An important lesson I learned years ago that ended poorly when I ignored my body/mind and ended up in bed with pneumonia for a full month.

Today, and all this week, I am participating in a free online retreat with my teacher Genpo Roshi. You can check it out here from 10:30 AM-12 noon and then again 2:30 PM to 4:30 PM PST each day. His work is profound and simple to access.

This morning we did some work around the "thinking mind." In particular, we explored ways in which our "selves" tend to shun and disown this aspect of ourselves having deemed it "monkey mind" and "chatter mind" (especially if you are a student of meditation), and then the ensuing consequences for the self. Although I feel that I am pretty in touch with my "thinking mind," I found that indeed there are ways in which my "self" has squashed this aspect in service of being loved in the world - at times I have felt that the world does not like a smart woman, or a child that has more clarity than the grown ups, and when that happened, I shut up and created a shadow aspect of this voice within me.

My lack of ability as an adult to put my opinion forward and out into the world through my writing, performing and general citizenship, I feel is very connected to suppressing my "thinking mind." Add to that the prejudice that we in the world of Feminine thought have put on the thinking mind by believing that it is only associated with the separation of the body/soul from life and thus the rape and pillaging of the planet and its peoples, and well, what's a "thinking mind" to do? Run and hide. And then show up in all sorts of pathological ways like - 4AM terrors about life, obsessive worry, over-thinking, confusion, the need to be right, and shunning others as thoughtless bastards and idiots.

Once we thoroughly examined this disowned aspect of "thinking mind," we then moved to the owned, embodied, honored and acknowledged "thinking mind," and wow! It was calm, in the moment, wise, clear, ready to be of use to the world and the self, and could actually hold space for others. It was like sitting with Sitting Bull - wise, ancient and all seeing.

It hit me that from this place, I could even listen to others that scare me with their thoughts. I immediately thought of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, who either make me shudder and hide or take me to murderous rage. So I came up with an idea - to practice sitting in the fully owned, mature, healthy, honored "thinking mind" while listening to one of these people this week. I am doing it with a very curious heart AND mind - curious about what I will actually hear when I allow my wisest, most grounded thinking mind to encounter their views.

I am KelCar on the chat as we participate online with this retreat. Join in the conversation and work if you feel pulled to do so.

Later.