Day 6 of 100 Fears in 100 Days

Really? Day 6 already? Jeez.

By blogging about a political subject the other day, I have found a way into a conversation that I have been longing to have and host for a long time - How to reduce the vitriol that is spewing out of American's mouths and at each other, and how to bring back real dialogue about what we ALL want for this country.

I do not have an answer to this big question, but I am excited about doing my part in hosting the conversation here and on Facebook.

So, today, I am stepping out of that comfort zone and claiming a new practice for myself - I am taking responsibility for my own speech. I am now going to make a point in my own communication (speech, blogging, essaying) to stop labeling people.

I know that labeling dehumanizes us all. And dehumanization is what leads to hate, violence and actions we all regret.

I know it will be challengin because at times I just want to say things like, "those damn Neo-con, Christian, Right-Wing Nut Bags," but ultimately I see that when I do that, I am being lazy in my thinking and my speaking (although it FEELS good, but so does an 8 Ball of cocaine and I know where that leads), and I know that when people label ME that way, smoke comes out my ass and ears. I want to discover a new way to discuss all of this without doing that to others.

We are all so much more than stereotypes, labels and single perspectives. And I know that I can vehemently disagree with a person's opinion, and even feel fear about what they are saying, and not have to be sucked into name calling, fear-mongering, and bitch slapping - at least that is the goal.

So, where are you going outside of your comfort zone? What are you willing to do today that will SHAKE your world up? Walk with me.

Who Do They Think this "Government" is Anyway?

We so often hear these days how much people hate the government. I get it. There is a lot wrong with our country and most of it seems to involve the government - policies, bureaucracies, politicians that no longer serve the whole but only serve the powerful with their short term interests. Right, Left, poor, not so poor, black, white, young, old - we all feel fucked one way or another.

But I am really, really sick and tired of all the mud slinging and gridlock and especially feeling like a victim about all of this. I think a lot about how there are special interests just to big or just too powerful to tackle, and that as an average citizen I am powerless. It feels hopeless. Some people who feel this way even suppose that these special interests are a small number of white, very rich men who have devised all this so that they can rule the world. I do not. That just seems a little too James Bondish for me. (Recently it occurred to me that conspiracy theories are just convenient rationales that perpetuate one's political victim story - "I don't have to do anything or take responsibility because the system is set up by a secret cabal that squash every solution that could make the world a better place for all").

I have bought into this rationale myself for years. I was raised on this rationale. I know that in part, it is true (okay, probably not the part about a group of 10 guys meeting in a secret location to decide how to rule the world this week, but the part about the system being tipped in favor of those who get to make the big decisions).

So, what to do.

Well, I know that when their is a dysfunctional situation, and I am a part of it, then I must look at my part in it.

Therefore, I must ask myself - who do I think this "government" is? In my understanding the government consists of Americans. Americans working in an American institution created by Americans. Which then leads me to conclude we can't blame this shit on no one else. (Even if there are only ten men in a room ruling the world - I am guessing that at least seven of them are still Americans.)

We AMERICANS raised, educated, and shaped the people who make up this thing we call "the government." We Americans have some shit to figure out. And me as an American contributed to this in some way.

So, if we don't like this American government, then just maybe it is time to look at ourselves. Maybe we should be looking into our own hearts and minds as individuals and be asking - how did I contribute to this reality? what have I done to allow things we don't like to carry on, what am I ignoring in my own actions that perpetuates a system that does not serve us?

These are not easy questions. It is never easy to take a straight look at how we are contributing to a dysfunctional situation. But the reality I am glimpsing these days is that even if I don't feel powerful, I am a citizen, I am a being on this earth, I am here, and in some way my perspective, my consciousness, and my actions are either part of the problem or part of the solution.

Trust me, I would much rather spend time reading some esoteric philosophy, watching Glee on my Tivo, and eating my Double Chocolate Milanos than having to ask myself what can I do to be a part of the solution. But, it feels like it is getting precarious out there.

And now that I'm doing this 100 Fears in 100 Days, I cannot ignore the fact that looking at my part in all of this scares the shit out of me.

And besides, I like this place we call America.

I was just reading the Huffington Post this morning about how Palin is depressed by the media coverage, so her staff was telling her not to watch it. While at a rally, she said,

"that while she doesn't always appreciate the way reporters portray the GOP ticket, she's been bolstered by the prayers of many of the campaign's backers.

"But yeah, sometimes you do get depressed watching what it is that they're reporting and the spin and some of the distortion of what our message is and what we stand for. Sometimes that, that gets draining," she continued. "But it's at events like these and our rallies that we are so energized and inspired and we know that we are not alone. We feel your strength and we feel the power of prayer, so many of you tell us that you are praying for us and praying for our country and that's why we so appreciate you being here."

So my question is: How will they handle this new episode of cognitive dissonance? With so many Christians praying for her, and their ticket doing so poorly, and most likely losing the election, does this mean that the Blue Meme Traditional Jesus they worship might not exist? Will any of them see that their particular brand of Christianity is ready to be put on the shelf? Is this nation ready to move back to the more respectful, quiet type of choice of personal relationship with a Higher Power that doesn't come shreiking out every election cycle? Or are these lost children just going to pray harder for the Apcalypse now?

I was at Staples the other day, and I saw that there were a bunch of people in there buying school supplies. Suddenly, my body ached like it used to in my early thirties when it wanted a baby. A voice appeared, "I want to go back to school. I want to surrender myself to a new semester, a new pile of books, new teachers, promise of new ideas and directions for my mind."

School for me was easy. I loved it. It had boundaries, expectations and rewards that worked for my own particular neurosis - intellectual people pleasing. School made me feel in control of the universe. I knew what it wanted from me, and I knew how to give it. Black and white. Information in, and analysis and information out. Pure bliss.

This fall I am not going back to school. Well, at least not that kind of school. I am jumping into making a documentary, and there certainly is a lot for me to learn. But there is no ONE set of parameters, or rules or hoops to jump through. It is all a bit gray and murky - tone, visual look, approach - no where is there a syllabus telling me how to get an "A" or what is expected of me in my final paper. I am on my own here. Just me and my subject (the American Dream) dancing by ourselves as amazing people and opportunities gather around me to support my journey.

I feel a bit like Frodo. I have a mission and I'm not sure that I am up for it. But I know that I must keep marching forward because no matter what I know that it must happen. I have surrendered myself to something bigger than me, and I feel like I have been chosen.

Now that I have heard the call, maybe I need to go back to Staples and get myself a new notebook, some paper and really cool pens. I have a feeling that new teachers, ideas, directions and books are in my future. I think the real education of Kelly has just begun.

Dream on,
Kelly

I thought on this day of Independence I would evoke a conversation about what it all means. This is an excerpt from The American Soul by Jacob Needleman.

“The Declaration of Independence

‘When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds, which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station, to which the laws of nature and nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect for the Opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness (The Declaration of Independence).’

Again, we are searching for the philosophical assumptions of our form of democracy. Whenever we see the idea of rights, we must realize that something is also being said about the structure and makeup of the self. We are being told by Jefferson that we human beings have within us, as part of our intrinsic makeup, the capacity to intuit the good and the power to will the good. We are capable of guiding our own lives toward an authentic and purposive end. Such assumptions about the intrinsic capacities of human nature contradict the basic thrust of the Calvinistic Protestantism that played such a dominant role in the settling of the New England colonies. The Jeffersonian view of human nature is diametrically opposed to the Calvinistic doctrine of man’s essential corruption and incapacity, and accords great powers and capacities to the human soul. Since every right implies a power, to grant man so many rights can only be based on an exalted vision of human powers. And to say this is to come directly in front of the question of whether democracy is based on an accurate assessment of our actual capacities. We are confronted with the age-old but eternally challenging question of what man is as opposed to what he can become. What may have seemed questions of only external, political relevance – questions that one can safely think about without reference to deep metaphysical or psycho-spiritual issues – now draw us irrevocably into the heart of spiritual philosophy (pp.144-145).”

So here are my Polymind questions:
What is it to declare independence in your life?
Who and what are you declaring this to?
What are you becoming independent of?
What is the relationship of independence and interdependence?
What is it about rights, power and responsibility that comes with declaring this for yourself in your life and as a citizen of this country.

Happy 4th and eat a hot dog for me.